If there is ANY good thing in me, anything at all that is inspiring, or encouraging, or worthy of admiring in me then you must know, that is not me at all. Please don't tell me how amazing I am in response to this. And still, somehow, God still lets me speak to rooms full of people. And I lost my head and I went crazy and I let myself lose sight of who God made me to be. The answer can only ever be redemption.īecause I am empty, and yet I am stuffed. But the question remains - what would my book be about? There are even times where it feels like it could actually be a dream realized. People often tell me that I should write a book. I have nothing to say, I have nothing to write, that isn't about redemption. It's just an attempt to overflow what God is doing, has ALWAYS done, in my life. ![]() But, all of that sharing is just a pouring out. I share my family's personal experiences - my daughter's current health struggles, my mistakes and my struggles, about throwing down with bananas, cross-country road trips, general shenanigans, and all the in-between stuff. I talk about the violent end to my brother's life, and my response to his death (#AdamsActs) with you all. I talk about being a multi-racial, adoptive family. I talk about parenting a child with Reactive Attachment Disorder. I only ever say one thing, that Jesus is the bringer of hope and redemption. But, I stand before people and I tell them about my life, I tell them about the wisdom in the Bible, the truths of scripture, but ultimately. Either way, I am not selling out arenas or anything, none of these events are necessaily huge or impressive. Next week I go to Michigan for two speaking events, and when I get back home, I have even more events lined up, or maybe not after I publish this post. "Ī couple weeks ago, I was the key-note speaker for a weekend retreat. That's what I really want, that's what I really need. More of your annointing, more of your glory, fill me up. "Somebody ask him," she sings, "I need a fresh annointing. Thirty times in that section of the song, the phrase, my anthem, is repeated. It was at 3:56 into the video and in the song she is begging God to fill her up. And while I was on my knees, face down, sobbing in the literal and figurative mess of my life, I heard Tasha Cobbs still playing on my phone. ![]() The floor, the table, most of the chairs, the walls, all of it, was caked with smashed banana, and my heart was caked with shame. My entire dining room was a battle scene, the evidence of our struggle was everywhere. If we were talking pineapples, I'd be in jail right now. Ironically, about 14 bananas were actually involved in this particular incident. I won't go into the whole mess of the thing, but let's just say that lives were saved by the fact that bananas are a soft fruit. I have a new respect for the phrase " go bananas" because I truly and completely went bananas. And I am realizing now that "empty" just means that I am actually full - of all the wrong things. Listening to this song has been a spiritual excercise, and the incredible voice on that woman is walking me through the process of opening up inside, and letting a holy fire burn out whatever is left in me, so that I can be an empty vessel that God, in his mercy, can fill to overflowing. Where the instructor is leading me into an excercise that I lack the motivation and discipline and know-how to do on my own. ![]() this song is like being in a spiritual spin class. I know that this sounds ridiculous if you have never encountered Jesus as a living leader and active forgiver. So, I listen to this song on repeat and I let Ol' Tasha usher Jesus into my empty places, and I let him sweetly pour me out, all of that junk that is in me, I beg him to let it spill out so that He alone can fill me up. I am stuffed sick of my self, and at the very same time I feel completely empty. I am stuffed with selfishness, with fear, with stress, with rage, with pride, with self-loathing, with a desire for control, and more than anything else, I am stuffed with a desire for relief. I don't know how it is possible to feel so empty, and also so full of my own self. I am empty, and yet, I am stuffed. I can not overstate how this has become my battle cry.
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